He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
