i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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