That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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