she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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