Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
