I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
