Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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