dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
