Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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