I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
