kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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