Whod you bang
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize