well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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