I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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