Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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