I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
