I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
