I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
