No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
