Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
