After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
