I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
