Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
