How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
