I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
