i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
