this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
