i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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