wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
