We won't sleep together?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
