Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
