dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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