atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
