your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
