He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
