from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
