Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
