yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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