ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize