What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
