If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
