Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize