My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
