Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
