Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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