If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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