Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My vagina just recognized that song.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
