she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
