I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
