Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
