There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
