My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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