No subtext here. People are naked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
