hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
