I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I checked into jail on foursquare
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
