No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
