he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
