I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
