Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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