The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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