I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
