You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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