Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
