its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
