The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
