Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
