i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
