The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
