literally had 100 drinks last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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