We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
