Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
