I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
