when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
